Let’s talk about toilets.

As a result of a near-disastrous exhaust fan fire in the Marlin ladies restroom, we now have automatic, motion-activated lights and fans in both restrooms. This cuts down on the possibility of fires breaking out unnoticed on the weekend, but it also has the very green side effect of reducing Marlin’s overall energy consumption. The lights and fans aren’t running 24/7, which means we save approximately 43 billion kilowatts of energy every single day. (This number is in no way “true” or “accurate” or “verified” in any way imaginable. But the auto lights do save energy.)

Now, any time you feel the need to visit Mrs. Murphy, there’s a good chance you will be greeted with a momentarily dark restroom. Yes, a little disconcerting. But then the lights and fan will flicker to life and stay on for, we’re told, fifteen minutes. Should you be detained relatively motionless in the restroom for more than your allotted fifteen minutes, the lights will go out. So a word to the, um, slow-moving. We suggest you either speed things up or bring some sort of elongated waving device (a glove on a pole?) into the stall with you … for god’s sake do something to keep those lights on.

The only real downside to this? Some Marlinites believe fifteen minutes of exhaust fan just isn’t enough to handle certain bathroom events. Scary but true.

Tomorrow: China!