Corbis photo/Crain’s art
Let’s play a game. You pick two things you think should never, ever be cross-promoted, and we’ll tell you if you’ve picked the worst, most godawful pair imaginable. Ready? Go.
If you said “colonoscopy and a loaf of bread,” congratulations! If you said “daycare and grain alcohol,” try again.
Did you say ”colonoscopy and a loaf of bread” this time? You did? Well, way to go!
Yes, Northwest Community Hospital in the Chicago suburb of Arlington Heights recently offered a novel incentive to anyone who scheduled a colonoscopy — a $10 gift card from Panera Bread. The hospital meant well. They figured people were always hungry after their pre-hose-poking liquid diet. But they forget one critical little detail that we, as a species, learned thousands of years ago. Poo and food don’t mix.
Even the intimation of poo and food don’t mix. And the results of this promotion prove that point. Of the 48,000 postcards sent to get out the good word on rectal examinations, only 30 colonoscopies were scheduled. That’s a return rate of approximately “sucks.”
This little event has taught us two things. If you’re in the target demographic, you should by all means undergo this routine procedure. If you’re a hospital, you should never combine the mental imagery of said procedure with a fresh-baked and wince-inducingly large loaf of bread. Never.
(There’s a more in-depth link to the Crain’s Business Chicago article, but it requires signing up to read it, and it’s just not worth it in our opinion. Though they did create the awfully funny visual above. Enjoy it for free!)
