Not sure if these guys are making a statement about the secularization of Christmas, or are just asking for neighborhood thugs to return their stolen holy infant. Either way works.
My money’s on the former, but the writer in me wants so badly for the narrative of the latter. Teenage rapscallions with bad skin, giggling as they abscond with the injection-molded baby Jesus. Making admirable field goals with it around midnight on a frosty high school football field. Sticking one poor schlub with it at the end of the night (Jimmy, the freshmen), who has to figure out what the hell he’s going to do with it. Jimmy, sneaking it into his bedroom and hiding it under the pile of dirty clothes and wishing it would vanish and reappear somewhere else, just like the real Jesus did. Jimmy’s mom, finding it two days later and confronting Jimmy with corpus delecti religio, tweaking out the whole story over the course of three and a half hours. Jimmy and his mother, approaching the scene of the crime, head down, baby plastic Jesus tucked shamefully under Jimmy’s arm. Jimmy, getting the “don’t you feel awful” look from the aggrieved and, later in the day, at the mall, getting even more scorn heaped on him by the rest of his gang, cementing his freshmen status, regardless of academic progress, for the remainder of his high school days.
Sign also says “We need him for Christmas.” Which again works both ways, but sooo much better with the Jimmy angle.
Thanks to Lucy Howell for the pic.
